Musings | Daphnes Blog

Suspension of Disbelief

“Incompetent amateurs have given prostitution a bad name”

Camille Pagli

I first came across the term “Suspension of Disbelief” in the movie “Basic Instinct” with Sharon Stone and Michael Douglas by Dutch director Paul Verhoeven. According to Wikipedia, it was coined by the poet and aesthetic philosopher Samuel Taylor Coleridge, who suggested that if a writer could infuse a “human interest and a semblance of truth” into a fantastic tale, the person who reads it would suspend their judgement with regards to the implausibility of the narrative.

As a young man, I was fascinated by the movie because of Sharon Stone starring as femme fatale. I even admit that I went to see the picture twice in a row. Who doesn’t remember the mythic moment during the interrogation at the police station, where she crosses her legs to reveal she has no underwear? She has been dining on that scene ever since. Less well known is the rumour that Sharon used to be a high-class prostitute. Commanding 1000 $ per hour. Michael Douglas allegedly discovered her when she paid him a visit as an escort if some American sites are to be believed.

Online, you can also read how the set of Basic Instinct was turned into a brothel for the day. Since we know that you would never sink so low as to read gossip, I sacrificed myself quite happily, dear reader. Mike decided that the non-orgasmic Sharon needed to get the hang of it. The infamous sex scene was apparently for real. Afterwards, Michael invited the producer and director to join in on the fun. Sharon allegedly was very fond of the bondage scene which ensued. She was screwed by Mike for half an hour whilst the two men held her down. Reportedly never had sex like that in her life and couldn´t get enough of it. Six orgasms that day and paid an extra 10.000 $ for that little encounter. Se non è vero, è ben trovato…

But let’s get back to the subject of this article, being the suspension of disbelief. For me a good session is when I forget I paid for it and believe the escort also enjoys it or at least has such good acting skills that I believe she is into it. You could compare it to a trancelike state where daily worries and social demands fade away. Do I fool myself? Is it a fantasy? Probably from time to time but on the other hand when you visit a theatre and get carried away by the spectacle, it is also an illusion…

Or do you prefer apathetic and cold professionals? On the rare occasion where I had a bad experience, that was the reason. Those amateurs give prostitution a bad name!

Scarface

“What you lookin’ at? You all a bunch of fuckin’ assholes. You know why? You don’t have the guts to be what you wanna be? You need people like me. You need people like me so you can point your fuckin’ fingers and say, “That’s the bad guy.” So… what that make you? Good? You’re not good. You just know how to hide, how to lie. Me, I don’t have that problem“.

Tony Montano

You are sitting at the bar and a woman strikes up a conversation. “Hi, how are you? What are you doing for a living?”. Do you tell her you are running an escort service or not? To be or not to be? Idem but this time your mother asks you what your new activity you have been talking of a lot lately consists of?

Also in the 21^st century, although is it completely legal in Germany, prostitution is a service which exists but apparently nobody uses. There is still a taboo and most people are very disparaging and judgmental. Even or especially if they are clueless about the subject. It goes without saying that walking the cold, dark streets at night and servicing johns in a car for 30 Euros a pop is hardly my idea of fun. In the upper echelons of the profession though, for women who are made for it, the benefits can be rewarding. I am not talking about the women at Daphne´s since they only escort on the side and are hence not loaded.

“Well, you would, wouldn´t you”, I hear you saying. Ok, let´s look at the phenomenon from different angles. High-class prostitution offers women the possibility to earn good money whilst working flexible, short hours. Frequently, they get pampered by interesting men in nice hotels in Berlin who put them on pedestals, which is beneficial to their self-esteem. I have known some working girls who go on extended breaks once they have some money on the side. Which other profession allows that? On the downside, contrary to what you might think, the danger of STD´s or violent clients is negligible.

As mentioned before, managing an escort agency is legal in Germany, which has as a consequence that more and more “respectable” people decide to try their luck. Tax-wise, also the state takes it share of course. Daphne´s pays only 7% VAT since the girls are considered Berlin artists whereas the normal rate is 19% VAT. On a serious note, some countries forbid prostitution; others tolerate or legalize the activity. In different times, the statute has often changed. All that just to show that it is impossible for moralists to claim the high ground.

Let´s get back to Tony Montano. According to me, the main issue escorts encounter is that prostitution is not socially accepted. Society forces you to lie to your parents, your family, your co-workers in your regular job etc… about your hidden life. You just have no choice, especially if you are a mother and don´t want your children to be teased at school. That´s at least how most people in the business see it. I personally find people who enter the world of paid-sex brave and strong. You have to be very open and a free-thinker in order to make the first step and contact an escort agency in order to apply for a job. You have to be even stronger to stay the course if friends find out and try to talk you out of it. So hail the brave women. Down with the hypocrites who look down on prostitutes but use their services. Thanks Germany for being pragmatic.

Adam and Eve

“Not every woman is a prostitute, but prostitution is the natural apotheosis of the feminine attitude”

Georges Bataille

When Eva presented Adam the apple, both got expelled from the Garden of Eden and from that point onwards, men always found a way to inculpate women one way or another. We evolved from witch burning but we still have “good girls don´t…” or “when a man is assertive, it´s a sign of his masculinity but when a woman does the same, she´s a bitch”.

Prostitution has been called the oldest profession and I must admit that I admire successful prostitutes since they are able to exercise their profession where and when they feel like it, make their money without extra´s like an office, etc… Once the goddesses make a small pile, they are free to vacation as often as they like. I am not necessarily talking here about real courtesans, who have maybe three clients and are rewarded handsomely for their time. For sure, it also shouldn´t be an FKK club. It was in such a nude club that a friend of mine encountered a working girl with the tattoo “my provider” on her pubic mound. Just for the record, the Daphne´s girls only escort on the side and have less dates than people imagine. But we are digressing. The male equivalent of that carefree life a successful call-girl has, would probably be a writer but his chances of monetary success are slimmer.

Most people view sex workers as an aberration of what a woman is and does. The percentage of women in the relax industry is indeed not high but I sincerely believe that that number would be much higher if a couple of conditions were to be met. I don´t pretend that all women are capable of turning tricks. I am pretty sure though that on a spectrum from virgin to whore, under the right circumstances more women would tend to the right than you would imagine.

I make no secret out of the fact that the man who most impressed me was Nietzsche. He believed in different human types and I also believe that some women were born to give their body to the world. That´s at least the response a friend of mine received when he asked a lady of the evening why she had chosen that particular profession. Back to Nietzsche. I am pretty sure that Freud got inspired by him when he developed his ideas about instincts. The drive to be desired and dominated is pre-eminent in women. I will never forget that a long time ago, I was making love to my then girlfriend and when I asked her what she was thinking of, she replied that she imagined herself being a whore. I haven´t asked that question a second time.

I think that women who decide to make that decision for real aren´t easily disgusted, a bit like nurses. Secondly, they are not repressed by what society tells them to do. Finally, they are able to be intimate with someone and forget him immediately, a bit like men if you want. If those three conditions were to be met more frequently, the number of working girls would explode. Even then they would of course be to blame if men stray. How do I know? At least according to a priest in Berlin. His paramour had to confess to him after the deed since she has seduced him again…

The new prostitution law

“Abolishing prostitution means kicking away one of the pillars of the social order. It means making marriage impossible. Prostitution serves as a corrective to marriage, and without it, marriage will go under — along with the family and the whole of society. Abolishing prostitution: for European societies, that’s just suicide…”

Michel Houellebecq

At Daphne´s, we don´t consider paid sex, at least in the higher strata of the profession, immoral. When I decided to start Daphne´ s with my business partner, what bothered me more was whether legalized prostitution was a sign of a decadent society and if yes, if I should contribute to the further erosion of the nation´s morals.

According to me, there is no doubt that Europe is in the grip of decadence with the possible exception of Germany. A healthy libido for me on the other hand, is a sign of vitality. Since time immemorial, powerful men have made use of concubines, mistresses and temporary lovers. Prostitution will always exist as long as people age. It´s a well-known fact that older men prefer much younger women. Who doesn´t want to relive his youth? What it boils down to it the exchange of money against juvenescence and beauty and there will always be a market for that, not only on the demand side as some feminists would like you to believe.

Aren´t men allowed to have some fun if this keeps the marriage together and doesn´t enrich the divorce lawyers. Isn´t it beneficial for the off-spring if frequenting escorts from time to time keeps the family together? Hence my verdict that paying for companionship is actually healthy for society.

So why on earth the state is trying to eradicate prostitution is beyond me. Should society really collapse? The official aim of the new prostitution legislation is the protection of the prostitutes and gender equality but I fear that it is the first step on the way to prohibit pay-sex. The world is turning more conservative and feminine at the same time. The state doesn´t like the fact that men use women for paid sex. Sure, some clients abuse the women. A larger number of prostitutes though are cold and business-like. Don´t they abuse the punters? The legislator also must be aware that there is a vast army of male prostitutes. Granted, they cater more to homosexual men than women. Finally, might female prostitution not be innate?

In prostitution, one can speak of a “class society”. On the one hand, at the high end of the scale, where Daphne´s is positioned, this can be quite lucrative and interesting. A much better alternative than a mediocre job. Those sex workers, the elite, resist the imposed protection and regulation, because they have no need for help. On the other hand, you have the disadvantaged, who generally cannot fend for themselves, and consequently need some form of protection.

To say the industry needed some regulation, is admittedly an understatement. What the government paper didn´t mention though was why Germany had become an Eldorado for prostitution. Could it be that things went downhill the moment the EU enlarged to include unprosperous eastern European neighbor countries? Large-scale migration is also a reason why prices for sex-work are falling or at least haven´t risen since years.

But we are diverging. Let´s start on a positive note with regards to the new regulations. Sex-workers will have to attend a medical consultation but no medical. For educated escorts, there will be nothing new under the sun. A godsend though for some catholic Romanian or Bulgarian street workers who believe that it suffices to use some soap to stave off std´s. Sex without condom will be punishable. This also includes fellatio although the risk for HIV is almost non-existent and one must be unlucky to catch eg. gonorrhea.

Brothel owners and escort agencies will have to get a permit. I think that it goes without saying that somebody who got sentenced for trafficking or attempted murder, doesn´t get a licence. But what about flat-rate brothels and gang-bang parties. For sure, the former are demeaning for the women working there but the lawmakers didn´t take into account women´s self-determination? Doesn´t the constitution allows for freedom of profession? Here we see what the real intent of the law is, namely to forbid the objectification of women. Sexual consent is only valid within prescribed behavioural norms sanctioned by the state. What next, your high-class escort agency resembles too much a female dog show. Down with Daphne´s, your old perv Greg!

Depending on your point of view, negative for the women is without doubt the registration. This means that they will be officially listed as prostitutes. Some women will of course go underground. If one wanted further proof that the world is turning reactionary, in Bayern women already must register and uncovered blowjobs are against the law.

In monetary terms, the government will not only raise taxes, but will also benefit trough lower unemployment rates since working girls must decide whether to claim benefits or register. That the state claims its share is fair enough. But why be hypocritical and not admit that another aim of the new prostitution law is combatting tax-evasion? It´s no secret that the German state handed over the tax details of Hungarian prostitutes to their home country. Closer to home, the state will also try to eradicate black money e.g. by forcing operators to issue an invoice at the end of each day. Also, understandable but what will be the next step? Clients who can only pay with credit cards? The abolition of cash?

We don´t mind the state becoming the master pimp. It maintains its monopoly on the use of force as a matter of fact and through the grapevine I heard that a license to operate might set you back 2.500 Euros. For sure, some of Daphne´s escorts will probably retire since they all work or study and don´t want to be registered but please dear legislator, leave it at that and don´t forbid prostitution. With the refugees’ crisis, you occupied already the high moral ground. The new prostitution law suffices. If the next step is the abolition of prostitution, Europe commits suicide…

The myth of heterosexual HIV

I am not a fan of Charlie Sheen neither well acquainted with his movies and sit-coms. I do like him though since he admitted using the services of the infamous Hollywood Madam Heidi Fleiss. Especially in America, where prostitution is illegal, it takes balls to admit as a public figure that you frequent escorts. As far as I know, he was the only celebrity to admit having been a naughty boy.

When news broke that he was HIV-positive, some people immediately blamed it on his promiscuous life-style. I am not so sure since it is really difficult to contract the virus as a heterosexual guy. I presume Charlie might have taken a walk on the wild side and that´s how he got it.

Recently, I got tested for HIV at a famous Berlin hospital and as expected, the result was negative. I just mention this since it was the first doctor who confirmed me that it is indeed really difficult to contract HIV if you are a straight man. He told me the chance for a male to become infected from vaginal intercourse was around 1/2000. Nowadays it´s also not a death-sentence any more but rather a chronic disease where you have to take your daily medication rigorously.

In the beginning of the epidemic though, there were people committing suicide by jumping out of the window upon hearing the test result. Needless to say, the clinic moved their premises from the third floor to the ground floor. Also, whole families were exterminated with partners infecting one another. There was a girl who got contaminated by her first boyfriend. Eight years before they met, he’d sporadically injected drugs…

Years ago, I asked two doctors at HIV-clinics if it was true that it was really difficult for hetero-sexuals to catch HIV. Also, how about the odds of getting HIV trough intercourse and they were both reluctant to discuss it. In 1998 it was already clear though that HIV wasn’t going to rage in the general population but would be restricted to high-risk groups, mainly to intravenous drug users and gay people.

Instead of being treated as an STD, “Aids” was turned into a moral crusade. The state tried to police people´s sexual lives. The same will happen again with the soon-to-come prostitution laws, where the girls will have to register as a prostitute in the near future. Another reason for this public health scare, was the fact that a lot of jobs depended on letting the public believe they were at risk. Think of it as the “Aids” industry.

Finally, there was political correctness. In order not to stigmatize the homosexual community, everybody should be equally at risk. Last night, when I walked home, I was exposed to a poster of the German Aids-relief Association picturing a woman of at least 60 years…

Low life in high heels?

I think it was the painter Francis Bacon who pointed out that the high life without the low life is impossible. I don´t know exactly what he meant but since it´s no secret that he was into heavy drinking, sadomasochistic sex and liked the company of London´s bohemia, all the while flush with cash, I think I get the picture. Being a proud nihilist and feeling that life was essentially meaningless, we should all have a good time according to him.

How I define the high life? Luxury hotels, starred restaurants, fine wines and exotic destinations for sure. Envisioning the low life, idle days spent boozing from noon onwards in an insalubrious part of town spring to mind. This probably makes you wonder where sex for money falls into. Basically, all pay-sex outside of Daphne´s falls under the category low life. Without exception, this is especially the case for our competitors.

Joking aside, “low life in high heels” actually is the title of a song by the American hard-rock band Cheap Trick. Not that I am a fan of the group but it conjured up the image of a Daphne´s escort making her entrance into a fine hotel in fur and with high heels. For the record, I don´t consider being a high-priced prostitute a lowly activity but I understand why the agency will not receive the Federal Cross of Merit. No selfie with Frau Merkel for Daphne.

Personally, I also enjoy or rather enjoyed the low and high life, with nothing in between. Everything in the middle appeared to me as mediocre and dull. The high life symbolized the aristocratic way of living where aesthetics are important and only the best will do. There was more life though to its opposite, with its proletarian tastes and penchant for abundancy. All senses had to be tickled more in order to be satisfied. It was also closer to reality, with its dark abysses which are not always pleasant.

All that to let you know that soon we will have a new category in this blog, inspired by the Spectator´s “Low Life” and “High Life” column. That British magazine is the oldest continuously published magazine in the English language. Currently the “Low Life” column is penned by Jeremy Clarke. It is contrasted with its “High Life” pendant by the wealthy socialite Taki Theodoracopulos, known as “Taki.” When the latter got caught with cocaine and wanted to hand in his resignation, the editor explained publicly that the magazine expected their High Life columnist to be high some of the time…

Marquess of Queensberry rules

In case these rules may be unknown to you, don´t worry, dear reader. You are not alone. I am middle-aged and an avid reader but up until last month, I never came across them.

According to Wikipedia, the Marquess of Queensberry rules is a code of generally accepted regulations in the boxing sport. They are named after John Douglas, 9th Marquess of Queensberry, whom publicly endorsed the code, although written by the sportsman John Graham Chambers. Those guidelines most directly influenced modern boxing. The Queensberry rules e.g. were the first to mention gloves in boxing. In popular culture the term is sometimes used to refer to a sense of sportsmanship and fair play.

When I came across the Queensberry rules, it reminded me of those I had encountered on the website of a now defunct brothel. I am not talking about the ubiquitous FAQ´s where you are advised to have a shower before your encounter, to treat the lady the way you want to be treated etc.… We trust we don´t have to explain to our clients what etiquette is.

No, the aforementioned house of ill-repute gave tips in order not to be caught out. Some of them made me smile. Following now is a compilation of the best:

1/ Telephone as betrayer. Never make calls from home, when the usual partner is present.

2/ Stay as you are. Don´t change your behaviour at all. Nothing is more suspicious than a new clothing style, shabby hair, a different perfume, etc.

3/ Trying out new sex variations. Or how to explain that new sudden thirst for action?

4/ Check your clothes for strange stray pieces of hair.

5/ Never ever reveal your little secret; nobody is allowed to know it. This is also valid for your best friend and when you are intoxicated!

6/ Don´t boast about your trysts. Nobody must know you are a stallion!

7/ Take a shower after intercourse! Pay attention to smell of massage oil. Take a sample of your Eau de Toilette with you. A smoky bar can also do the trick.

8/ Don´t overindulge your partner with presents and attention out of a bad conscience.

9/ Make sure you don´t get caught speeding in areas you don´t frequent. “Darling, today there was a letter in the mail. You were speeding. Why were you there?”.….

10/ And finally: the false name at the false moment…

So, in case you were thinking of booking an escort with us, but were afraid to be found out; no more excuses. Just make sure that your current partner can´t hear you make the booking!

Lombroso and his sex workers

Prostitution has and always will fascinate people. The number of artists who have been inspired by courtesans is endless. Among the most famous, you can count Toulouse-Lautrec and Picasso. I often avoid telling people I meet for the first time that I am running an escort service in Berlin with a partner, otherwise I have to spend the best part of an hour talking about the relax industry. People think that harlots differ a lot from the average woman. Last time I checked our escorts, they all still had two arms and two legs and if you were to pass them in the street, you would never have thought that they were on the game.

In the 19th century though, we had the Italian Cesare Lombroso who thought otherwise. Apparently not only artists took a particular interest in fallen women. He was convinced that they had certain physiognomic properties. His research took him to police stations, prisons, and madhouses. There he studied the tattoos, cranial capacities, and sexual behaviour of prostitutes and prisoners in order to establish a female criminal type. Does it surprise you that Lombroso came to the conclusion that that criminal women are far more cunning and dangerous than criminal men…

I would lie though if I were to pretend that there is hardly a difference between women who turn tricks and good housewives, although you would be surprised by the number of mothers who have a little secret. Even their partners sometimes don´t know that hidden part of their personality. I don´t know what the old fraud Freud would have made of that? Would he still have come up with his madonna-whore complex? I have to admit though that tattoos and piercings are overrepresented in prostitutes. Some also have a tendency to dress provocatively and have a penchant for loud labels but what really makes the difference is their mind.

I know that this is a truism but that organ really distinguishes the pros from the amateurs. Forget about a high libido, sex-craved nymphos and fornicating erotomanes. As far as I am aware of, prostitution, contrary to homosexuality, never got an entry in the American psychiatric bible DSM.

According to my non-scientific opinion, sex workers have an open mind, like sex and don´t fall easily in love. They are impulsive and like to experiment. Mentally, they have to be tough in order to demarcate their boundaries and master the strong emotions the job provokes. Some do have indeed a low-self-esteem which they try to compensate by being paid for sex. This validates their worth and puts them on a pedestal. This doesn’t mean though that they all suffer from major psycholigical disorders.