Marquess of Queensberry rules

In case these rules may be unknown to you, don´t worry, dear reader. You are not alone. I am middle-aged and an avid reader but up until last month, I never came across them.

According to Wikipedia, the Marquess of Queensberry rules is a code of generally accepted regulations in the boxing sport. They are named after John Douglas, 9th Marquess of Queensberry, whom publicly endorsed the code, although written by the sportsman John Graham Chambers. Those guidelines most directly influenced modern boxing. The Queensberry rules e.g. were the first to mention gloves in boxing. In popular culture the term is sometimes used to refer to a sense of sportsmanship and fair play.

When I came across the Queensberry rules, it reminded me of those I had encountered on the website of a now defunct brothel. I am not talking about the ubiquitous FAQ´s where you are advised to have a shower before your encounter, to treat the lady the way you want to be treated etc.… We trust we don´t have to explain to our clients what etiquette is.

No, the aforementioned house of ill-repute gave tips in order not to be caught out. Some of them made me smile. Following now is a compilation of the best:

1/ Telephone as betrayer. Never make calls from home, when the usual partner is present.

2/ Stay as you are. Don´t change your behaviour at all. Nothing is more suspicious than a new clothing style, shabby hair, a different perfume, etc.

3/ Trying out new sex variations. Or how to explain that new sudden thirst for action?

4/ Check your clothes for strange stray pieces of hair.

5/ Never ever reveal your little secret; nobody is allowed to know it. This is also valid for your best friend and when you are intoxicated!

6/ Don´t boast about your trysts. Nobody must know you are a stallion!

7/ Take a shower after intercourse! Pay attention to smell of massage oil. Take a sample of your Eau de Toilette with you. A smoky bar can also do the trick.

8/ Don´t overindulge your partner with presents and attention out of a bad conscience.

9/ Make sure you don´t get caught speeding in areas you don´t frequent. “Darling, today there was a letter in the mail. You were speeding. Why were you there?”.….

10/ And finally: the false name at the false moment…

So, in case you were thinking of booking an escort with us, but were afraid to be found out; no more excuses. Just make sure that your current partner can´t hear you make the booking!